Baffleboxing the internet

Thank you for your email. Unfortunately, as stated on our website, we are unable to give any clinical information via this contact form. If you are in anyway concerned for your pet PLEASE seek advice from your vet.

Kind regards

The Marketing Team
Vets Now Ltd

Hi, I just rang my vet saying that I had contacted you about the problem and that you had "not ruled out" swine flu. He seemed confused and asked if you could contact him.
His name is John Davis and his number is XXXXXXXXXXX.
Thanks,
Peter

Vets Now Ltd

As stated we are unable to give clinical advice via this form.  If you would like us to contact your vet please supply full details of the practice and landline telephone number and also your full details registered with the veterinary surgery.

 

Kind regards

 

The Marketing Team
Vets Now Ltd

Hi,
 
I just spoke to my vet again and he ensures me that it is impossible for rabbits to contract swine flu but that I should bring him in anyway and it may be to do with his unusual diet.
He also advised that you should probably not be giving out swine-flu prescriptions over the internet as any wrong diagnosis could land you in trouble ((dont shoot the messenger!))
Peter

Hi Peter

 

I am glad you have sorted the problem out with your vet.

 

Just to assure you, we do not give out any prescriptions or diagnosis over the internet and only see clients and give advice in our Emergency Clinics.

 

Kind regards

 

The Marketing Team
Vets Now Ltd

This is my entry into a poetry competition. Im pretty sure I'll win.

ridiculously.. i didnt win. I didnt even make it into the final. I think the judges were dumbo's.

I have posted on loveforum.net asking if my girlfriend is too ugly and attached a photo of an unattractive female and a skinny guy who I sed was me (it isnt!)

Is my girlfriend too ugly? I've been with the same girl for 10 years and I love her very much. She is kind and brilliant at making Spaghetti Omlettes! (every day at 3pm whether im hungry or not!!) However, I am not as physically attracted to her as I used to be but isnt that the same with all couples? Walking down the street we often get weird looks because she is.. large.. and I am small. Also I am sure I have heard my friends joking about her being unattractive.. should that matter? I have attached a photo of her and then me Help needed please

 These are the photos I attached..

so far 2 people have replied offering no help whatsoever..

erm- i think only you can decide that. everyone has different tastes and ideas of whats attractive or not! lol

And then a girl asked:

Any photos of you guys together?

of course there aren't any so I made up a briliant explination of why there aren't

not any recent ones, i hide when i see some1 coming with a camera, especially if they are bearded or a libra

 

a couple more people have now replied:

I doubt she'd appreciate having her picture put up on a site like this to be judged by strangers.

and another:

hahahahaha...this is the funniest thing i seen all day... ...ummm, i thought this was a joke

Just an update: Most people have realised its a joke... these are a couple of the newest responses:

lets hope it is a joke or i feel for the poor guy!

ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!! Spaghetti Omelette's! I am laughing so damn hard right now. Whew! I think I just burned some calories!

im not sure if that last one is sarcastic.

ciao

Today I have asked two important questions on Yahoo! Answers... This is my first...

And my second question is as follows:

"Natty" has replied to question 1 saying:

If you really like the girl that much, then you should want her to be happy even if its not with you. Be mature about it and let her go. Don't ruin her wedding, she would hate you for it.

Thanks Natty! Had this been a serious situation she may have just saved a marriage! Hooray!

Also now have a reply to the ham situation from "les" who is apparently a "top contributor"

If it doesn't listen make it into a HAMburger.... HAMmer it with a sledgeHAMmer.....or feed it to your HAMster....teach it a good lesson! :)

I'll update when/if more people have replied. And I'll make a new post if I get replies from previous posts.

Another reply to the Ham question:

If it's ham it is already cooked. That's why you can't cook it.

I guess theres not much point going on dragons den with the HAM-COOKER 3000 then :(

2 new replies both to the ham thing:

You forgot to beat it... However, if that doesn't work I would stick it in a shallow pan, and place it in the oven located in most kitchens.My mom is a fan of a pepsi marinade with various pineapple slices hanging on it. (last christmas they were held on by tiny nails....)Then turn it on 300 for a couple hours, with the hams I've had, the package it came in will usually indicate how many hours per pound. I think its sweet you are cooking ham for your gf, my hubby likes to grill, but if it involves the oven, he would rather take me out, lol.

and...

you did not try ham stringing the ham
or you could put it in the oven since this invention we know workes like a charm but you must turn the oven knob to on at a about 350 deg for a hour or 2 depending on how big your ham is

i still think its maveric-ham.

I decided to contact two cereal companies

I will update when/if I get a reply. Come back tomorow!

I've had 3 replies to the job advert I posted on Gumtree
here they are:

hello!!! experience wise, i've done quite a lot of promotion, collecting e-mail addresses etc for festivals and club nights. Annoyance wise, you can get a reference from any one of my friends telling you that i annoy them on a regular basis, usually with my randomness, the dancing sounds amazing!

Hi,

I have just seen your advert for this position and am interested in finding out more / applying. I think i could be right for this position because:

1. I am able to start straight away as i have just got back from travelling and am currently unemployed.I live on X road in bristol.

2. Members of the public would't be scared if i approached them on the street as i do not look menacing or scary but instead welcoming and friendly.

3. I have a good sense of humour and am able to have a laugh while still working hard.

4. I look really good with a clipboard and yellow bib!

A situation where i have knowingly been annoying recently could be a number of things from turning on the hot water in the kitchen when my flat mates having a shower so he gets blasted with cold water to tidying up my flat to much to the point where i get told off by other flatmates, Or phoning up my dad and telling him im stuck in italy and cant get home!

and finally...

I am knowingly being annoying know.
where would i be working?
I am going away mid november could I do it until then.
cheers
paul.

No Paul, you cannot do it until November you horrible man.

The aim of this blog is to baffle and amuse the internet in a number of ways:

I will be putting up adverts for bizzare things
Replying to adverts
Applying for Jobs with stupid CV's
Writing emails to companies
Getting quotes for things

etc.

This is an advert I have just posted on Gumtree Bristol. It is a job vacancy.

I will update the post when I have replies, come back tomorow!